SOMEWHERE BETWEEN HEAVEN AND EARTH

CREDITS

 

IN BETTER HANDS                                                                        THE LIGHTS OF PARIS

PRODUCED by Cindy Bullens                                                                  PRODUCED by Rodney Crowell and

                                                                                                                  Cindy Bullens

RECORDED at DOG DEN, Nashville, TN                                                               RECORDED at HUM DEPOT, Nashville, TN

ENGINEER: Bill McDermott                                                                       ENGINEER: David Thoener

MIXED BY: Bob Clearmountain at MIX THIS, L.A.                                     MIXED BY: David Thoener at Sound Kitchen, 

                                                                                                                  Nashville, TN

CINDY BULLENS: Vocals, acoustic guitar                                               CINDY BULLENS: Vocal, acoustic guitar

GEORGE MARINELLI: Electric guitars                                                       GEORGE MARINELLI: Electric Guitars

DAVID SANTOS: Bass                                                                               MICHAEL RHODES: Bass

MARK T. JORDAN: Keyboards                                                                  STEVEN CONN: Hammond B-3

RICK LONOW: Drums                                                                                GREG MORROW: Drums & Percussion

 

I GOTTA BELIEVE IN SOMETHING                 SOMEWHERE BETWEEN HEAVEN AND EARTH

PRODUCED BY RODNEY CROWELL and CINDY BULLENS                       PRODUCED by Cindy Bullens    

RECORDED at HUM DEPOT, Nashville, TN                                              RECORDED at DOG DEN, Nashville, TN  

ENGINEER: David Thoener                                                                      ENGINEER: Bill McDermott  

MIXED BY: David Thoener at Sound Kitchen, Nashville, TN                 MIXED BY: Bob Clearmountain at MIX THIS, L.A.    

CINDY BULLENS: Vocal, acoustic guitar                                                CINDY BULLENS: Vocals, electric rhythm guitar

BACKING VOCAL: Bonnie Raitt with Beth Nielsen Chapman                BACKING VOCAL: Bryan Adams

GEORGE MARINELLI: Electric Guitars                                                      GEORGE MARINELLI: Electric guitars        

MICHAEL RHODES: Bass                                                                         DAVID SANTOS: Bass              

STEVEN CONN: Hammond B-3, Wurlitzer                                              JEFF LEVINE: Piano & Hammond B-3

GREG MORROW: Drums & Percussion                                                     RICK LONOW: Drums  

 

A THOUSAND SHADES OF GREY                               WATER ON THE MOON

PRODUCED by Cindy Bullens                                                                  PRODUCED by Rodney Crowell & Cindy  Bullens                                                                   

RECORDED at DOG DEN, Nashville, TN                                                                                          RECORDED at HUM DEPOT, Nashville, TN    

ENGINEER: Bill McDermott                                                                       ENGINEER: Glenn Spinner

MIXED BY: Bob Clearmountain at MIX THIS, L.A.                                     MIXED BY: David Thoener at Sound Kitchen,                

                                                                                                                  Nashville, TN 

CINDY BULLENS: Vocals, acoustic & electric guitar                             CINDY BULLENS: Vocal, acoustic guitar    

GEORGE MARINELLI: Electric guitars                                                       BACKING VOCAL: Rodney Crowell

DAVID SANTOS: Bass                                                                               GEORGE MARINELLI: Electric Guitar & Hi-String

MARK T. JORDAN: Keyboards                                                                  MICHAEL RHODES: Bass         

RICK LONOW: Drums                                                                                STEVEN CONN: Hammond B-3

                                                                                                                 GREG MORROW: Drums & Percussion  

 

BOXING WITH GOD                                                    THE END OF WISHFUL THINKING

PRODUCED by Tony Berg and Cindy Bullens                                       PRODUCED by J. Steven Soles & Cindy Bullens

RECORDED at Zeitgeist, L.A.                                                                   RECORDED at Twin Palms, Santa Monica, CA

ENGINEER: John Paterno                                                                        ENGINEER: Larry Hirsch

Additional engineering: Cathy McMackin, Larry Hirsch                      MIXED by: Bob Clearmountain at MIX THIS, L.A.

MIXED BY: Bob Clearmountain at MIX THIS, L.A.                                    CINDY BULLENS: Vocal & electric guitar 

CINDY BULLENS: Vocals, acoustic, electric, solo guitars                    BACKING VOCAL: Lucinda Williams

& percussion                                                                                           J. STEVEN SOLES: Acoustic Guitar

GEORGE MARINELLI: Electric guitar                                                       GEORGE MARINELLI: Mandolin

TONY BERG: Electric guitar                                                                    BENMONT TENCH: Hammond B-3

JOHN PIERCE: Bass                                                                                KENNY EDWARDS: Bass

BENMONT TENCH: Hammond B-3                                                         DAVID KEMPER: Drums

DAVID KEMPER: Drums

 

AS LONG AS YOU LOVE (SCARLET WINGS)                  BETTER THAN I'VE EVER BEEN

PRODUCED by Tony Berg and Cindy Bullens                                     PRODUCED by Cindy Bullens

RECORDED at Zeitgeist, L.A.                                                                 RECORDED at HUM DEPOT, Nashville, TN

ENGINEER: John Paterno                                                                      ENGINEER: Glenn Spinner

Additional engineering: Larry Hirsch, Cathy McMackin,                   MIXED by David Thoener at Sound Kitchen,

Brian Lee                                                                                               Nashville, TN

MIXED by: Bob Clearmountain at MIX THIS, L.A.                                 CINDY BULLENS: Vocal, acoustic guitar

CINDY BULLENS & REID BULLENS-CREWE: Vocals                              BACKING VOCALS: Mary Ann Kennedy, Bill Lloyd

CINDY BULLENS: Synthesizer                                                              GEORGE MARINELLI: Electric Guitar

BENMONT TENCH: Hammond B-3, piano                                            MICHAEL RHODES: Bass

JOHN PIERCE: Bass                                                                              STEVEN CONN: Wurlitzer, Hammond B-3

DAVID KEMPER: Drums                                                                         GREG MORROW: Drums & Percussion

 

MASTERED BY BOB LUDWIG, Gateway Mastering, Portland, ME

In Memory of Jessie Daniell Bullens-Crewe 1985-1996  

Dedicated to bereaved parents, their families, and their angels.

 

Header Art: Jessie Bullens-Crewe, Lettering: Eric Hopkins, Design: Cindy Bullens, David Wilson, Photo: Lane Berkwit

CD Cover Art: Jessie Bullens-Crewe

CD back cover photo, booklet back cover photo, disc photo, B&W booklet photo: Merri Cyr

 

 

LINER NOTES by DAVE MARSH

Somewhere Between Heaven and Earth is a miracle.

That's a big, scary word, but this is big, sometimes scary music.

Calling it a miracleis not hype or exaggeration. It simply describes what Cindy Bullens does on this album inspoored by the life and death of her 11-year-old daughter, Jessie Bullens-Crewe.

Part of the miracle is that Cindy draws so deeply and intensely and relentlessly from that shattering experience, without letting up for one verse of one song. Every image and metaphor here is tailored to convey the experience of Jessie's life and death, or the experience of trying to live on after her, as some mothers inconceivably must. The first miracle of Somewhere Between Heaven and Earth is that it captures all that in only ten songs.

But the other part of that miracle-the more important part, I bet Jessie would say--is how Cindy has chosen to live, and to write and to sing. Against every set of odds, Somewhere Between Heaven and Earth, suffused as it is with grief and pain, is not morbid or depressing. It's exhilarating and triumphant.

Of course, Cindy starts off in the deepest depths of misery but she winds up shouting her lungs out on the mountaintop. In between, she has seen the light at first, only in a thousand shades of grey, then all the beautiful colors of Paris, then the light of God, her great enemy, and benefactor. At the end, "Better Than I've Ever Been" seems not like a hollow boast, but the truth of the matter.

Like Cindy, I am the parent of a child who died of cancer. Kristen Ann Carr was 21 years old, but she went through exactly the same process Jessie did. Her sister, Sasha Carr, has come through for her sister and her Mom in ways that are exactly as beautiful as the way Reid Bullens-Crewe comes through on "As Long As You Love (Scarlet Wings)". Kristen's mother, Barbara Carr, has been tough and resilient and inconsolable as Cindy has. Dan Crewe, Jessie's father, and I surely share many of the same traits.

We have these things in common with millions of other bereaved parents and siblings. All of us, the world over grieve in similar ways and for exactly the same amount of time: the rest of our lives. What none of us has had, until this album, is a voice to spell out how we feel.

If you've never had that experience, count your blessings and do not fear. Somewhere Between Heaven and Earth isnt alien to you. It's the essence of rock n' roll, conveying the same message that has come out of other great voices for fifty years.  It ain't no sin to be glad you're alive.

But such grandiose statements aren't worth much 'till they're put to the test, and Cindy Bullens has been tested as few of us ever are. Cindy did not surrender to despair, she didn't give in to the pull of madness, she didn't try to pretend it never happened., and she didn't take it out on the rest of the world. She remembered the lessons that Jessie taught her, and , in her child's spirit, she did the bravest thing she knew how to do: She rose up, looked tragedy in the eye, and turned into art.

It is the art that will sustain a great many people-starting with me-for a very long time. It is the art that is worthy of the way kids like Jessie Bullens-Crewe and Kristin Ann Carr, and so many (too many) others-fought to keep their lives, showing us with every breath how precious life is. If there is a better compliment, it can't be expressed in words.

Thank you, Cindy. Thank you, Jessie.

Dave Marsh

January 1999

THE STORY

(Written in early 1999 before the I pressed up the first 1000 copies of the CD to benefit the Maine Children's Cancer Program and Included in the booklet of the original CD package. The album was then released globally on Artemis/Blue Lobster Records in August of 1999.)

When my daughter Jessie died on March 23, 1996, just weeks after her eleventh birthday, I felt my own life end. I couldn't imagine that I could ever again be a productive human being. That I would ever again write a song, let alone record an entire album, was the furthest thing from my mind. But about four months after her death-still numb with disbelief-I found myself alone with my guitar, aimlessly strumming chords just to hear the comforting sound of the instrument. Without any thought on my part, a song emerged: Somewhere Between Heaven and Earth. I was at once energized and horrified. I was enegized by the making of music which is so much a part of me and horrified by the realization that I had just written a song about the death of my own child. It took some time to reconcile the two feelings. If I were an artist, a painter, a poet, I reasoned, I would be furiously painting away on a canvas--the colors of anguish, despair, and unimaginable loss. Or I would be filling a notebook with words of unending sorrow, grief, and the deepest kind of pain. But I'm not a painter and certainly not a poet. I'm a songwriter, I write simple songs, both musically and lyrically-straight to the point, nothing fancy. So I told myself-when the inspiration strikes-I will write. I had no desire to write songs for exercise or profit. In fact, my only inspiration would be my absolute love for Jessie and the absolute agony of life without her.

Three months after I wrote Somewhere Between Heaven and Earth, I wrote In Better Hands, and three month later, A Thousand Shades of Grey. The latter was in January of 1997 and I knew the next step was to record these three songs. I had never felt any connection with any songs I had ever written before. And though I could not sing any one of them without breaking down into tears-I knew these songs were precious gifts. In March of 1997 I went to Nashville, gathered some of my favorite musician friends, and went into the studio. Thus began the inception of this album, without my knowing it.

Only in July, when I wrote The Lights of Paris, did I consider that maybe someday I would have enough songs about this experience, and that perhaps my expression of grief and love and loss could help others in some way. But it wouldn't be until the fall of 1997 when my friend Beth Nielsen Chapman released her album Sand and Water, recorded after the untimely death of husband, and co-produced by Rodney Crowell, that the idea took shape. It was my (then) husband, Dan Crewe, who encouraged me not to wait for any kind of record deal and "just do it".

In November, Rodney, who I knew and admired as a hugely talented man, agreed to produce two tracks with me, telling me he felt it was something I "had to do". Only ten days after Rodney agreed to work with me, I found myself again in Nashville with four top musicians and veteran engineer David Thoener. We recorded The Lights of Paris and I Gotta Believe In Something, a song I had written in October of 1997 during a bout of severe depression. Rodney's and the musicians' sensitivity to the reason for my recording, brought the songs a quality that I can only describe as-pure. I was deeply moved.

Inspired by those sessions, I got up the nerve to call my old friend Bonnie Raitt to ask if she would sing a harmony on one of those songs. She agreed right away and chose to sing on I Gotta Believe In Something, gracing this album with much more than just her incredible voice. Buoyed by her response. I took a deep breath and called Bryan Adams. Bryan had sung on one of my previous recordings, and I had sung on an early album of his. He answered my call so graciously. He asked me how I was coping (he knew of Jessie's death) and then asked how he could help. I explained what I was doing and he very simply replied "send me the tape." His harmony vocal on the title track Somewhere Between Heaven and Earth is a stirring contribution.

I went to Los Angeles in February of 1998 to work with my long time friend Tony Berg on two more songs that I had written that fall. Because of Tony's manic schedule as a record company executive and record producer, we worked in spurts over the next few months on Boxing With God and As Long As You Love (Scarlet Wings). Again, it was an extraordinary experience of caring, talent, and generosity by everyone involved. While in LA, I met up with another old friend, Steven Soles. Steven and I go way back to the 1970's before he forme The Alpha Band with T-Bone Burnett and David Mansfield. He co-produced the last song I wrote The End of Wishful Thinking. It was a labor of love for everyone. In April of 1998, I recorded two more songs in Nashville, Water On The Moon, with Rodney Crowell, and Better Than I've Ever Been with me alone at the helm.

As the project took shape, it became more and more obvious to me that Jessie's older sister, sixteen year-old Reid, had to be included. She has a lovely young voice and loves to sing and play piano, so I knew it wasn't just a sentimental notion. As my good friend, and brother-in-law Bob Crewe put it--it seemed extremely important and necessary. It was a matter of finding the right spot.

I was having a very difficult time putting the lead vocal to As Long As You Love (Scarlet Wings). It's the hardest song to sing emotionally. I just could not fine the balance between true emotion and vocal quality. As I was driving one day at home in Maine, listening to the tape of my latest attempt, it hit me that maybe I wasn't supposed to sing the whole song. Reid could sing the chorus (Jessie's part). It was perfect. It would be stunning.  So I asked her if she would do it.

With a typical teenage reaction, she shrugged her shoulders and said "sure". A few weeks later when she ended her school year, I recorded Reid's vocal in Portland, Maine thanks to my friend Bob Ludwig and his staff at Gateway Mastering. (Bob later mastered the album, squeezing me into his schedule just before Christmas, giving these songs the final loving touch.)

I traveled from Nashville to LA to New York, tapes in hand, putting on the final overdubs with the musicians I wanted. Beth Nielsen Chapman added her voice. My dear friend David Mansfield played a violin solo. World re-nowned musicians Benmont Tench, George Marinelli, Jeff Levine, Maryann Kennedy and Bill Lloyd--everyone made time to contribute. Even in early October of 1998, after having mixed most of the tracks and thinking I had used up my quota of guest artists, Lucinda Williams appeared in Los Angeles while touring. I was in LA to mix the Tony Berg tracks with master mixer Bob Clearmountain (Bob had already mixed four previous tracks). I would also finish up in LA with Steven Soles. Lucinda just happened to return a call I had made to her weeks before. I asked if she would sing. She very kindly fit me into her heavy schedule and sang a beautiful harmony on The End of Wishful Thinking. And so, this project continued to have a life and spirit of its own. I returned home to Maine not knowing if anyone would ever hear these songs, but understanding that it really didn't matter.

I know this is an emotional statement, but I will make it: If I never write another song, if I never do another thing in music. this is my legacy.

My little Jessie, my own personal angel, has inspired the best music I feel I may ever make. And that's just fine. I would trade it all for one more hug, or the sound of her laughter, but that is not to be. I have learned from my own grief and from those who have suffered tragedy before me. There are only two choices for those of us who are left behind: live or die--physically or figuratively. Today I choose to live, inspired by the joy of living that my little red-headed spit fire imbued in every moment she was here on earth. These songs are from me and for me, but if they touch anyone who has experienced profound loss, I am grateful. May we all find some peace in the simple beauty of art, music, and nature. I cannot even begin to express how important the kindness of others has been to me. The experience of doing this project was extraordinary. I was given an incredible gift. As one observer put it--I was surrounded by a circle of friends--loved and nurtured and encouraged. I am truly grateful.

 

LYRICS

 

IN BETTER HANDS

I had a dream that I was falling

You came to rescue me

You must have heard me calling

Through my fitful sleep

You know I wish I could be grateful

Instead of full of fear

The kind of love that you gave me

I can't replace with tears

 

And though I'll never feel that love again-never again

Well I can take some kind of comfort in

Knowing your in better hands, in better hands

In better hands, in better hands

 

I had a dream about a fire

Burning out of control

There was no way for me to stop

Till it burned through my soul

There were a hundred people watching

As the night raged on

And everyone of us stood helpless

Through that bitter dawn

 

But oh the sky is in your shoes tonight

You can finally fly

All I can do is trust that you're all right

Knowing you're in better hands, in better hands

In better hands, in better hands

 

And though I'll never feel that love again, never again

Well, I can take some kind of comfort in

Knowing you're in better hands, in better hands

In better hands, in better hands...

 

Written by Cindy Bullens ©1999 Mommy's Geetar Music/BMI

 

THE LIGHTS OF PARIS

It was magnificent 

A city like I'd never seen

The sense of history

Was deeper than I could dream

I walked down those tiny streets

And the big, beautiful boulevards

With every step, I thought of you

But I could not stop the pain in my heart

 

And even the lights of Paris

Can never shine as bright

As the fire in your hair of red

And the magic in your eyes

And I will never forget it

Still it's you I'm thinking of

Cause even the lights of Paris

Can't outshine your love

 

Everywhere a masterpiece

I could not see them all

I saw the Mona Lisa though

It's amazing, she's so small

I stood in a room full of Vincent Van Goghs

I could not tear myself away

Struck by light and color

Pure genius on display


And even the art of Paris

Somewhere has to have a price

Unlike the fire in your hair of red

And the passion in your eyes

And though I'll never forget it

It's still you I'm dreaming of

Cause even the lights of Paris

Can't outshine your love

 

Even the lights of Paris

Can never shine as bright

As the fire in your hair of red

And the passion in your eyes

And if I could stay there forever

It would never be enough

Cause even the lights of Paris 

Can't outshine your love

No, even the lights of Paris

Can't outshine your love

 

Written by Cindy Bullens  ©1999 Mommy's Geetar Music/BMI

 

I GOTTA BELIEVE IN SOMETHING

I can't figure it out as if I ever could

Everything I planned didn't work out like I thought it would

I've had my share of tragedy

I've felt the darkness cover me

Til I can't see

 

But I gotta believe in somethin'

I gotta believe in somethin'

That there's just plain nothin'

Don't sit right with me

I gotta hold on to somethin'

Gotta hold on to somethin'

Even if it's nothin' but a little dream

 

Some days just breathing is all that I can do

And I curse the disappearance of everything I knew

There's only so many tears I can cry

I need to point my soul to the light

So I can see

 

And I gotta believe in somethin'

I gotta believe in somethin'

That there's just plain nothin'

Don't seem right to me

I gotta hold on to somethin'

I gotta hold on to somethin'

I can't live with nothin' to believe

 

I can't figure it out as if I ever could

Everything I planned didn't work out like I thought it would

I've had my share of tragedy

I've felt the darkness cover me

Til I can't see

 

But I gotta believe in somethin'

I gotta believe in somethin'

That there's just plain nothin'

Don't sit right with me

I gotta hold on to somethin'

Gotta hold on to somethin'

Even if it's nothin' but a little dream

I gotta believe in somethin'

I gotta believe in somethin'

I can't live with nothin' to believe

 

Written by Cindy Bullens  ©1999 Mommy's Geetar Music/BMI

 

SOMEWHERE BETWEEN HEAVEN AND EARTH

 

I curse the night I watched you slip away

Wouldn't have done no good to beg you to stay

You were here beside me and now you're gone

I'm just tryin' hard to carry on

But there's no rhythm in the rain

There's no magic in the moon

There's no power in this pain

Till somewhere between heaven and earth

I can find you again

 

Hearts are broken and dreams are lost

But I made a promise to love at any cost

Little did I know the price was so high

Losing forever in the blink of an eye

There's no rhythm in the rain

There's no wishes in the stars

There's no power in this pain

Till somewhere between heaven and earth

I can hold you again

 

If I could one more time

Feel your hand in mine

Hear your voice call my name

Whisper sweet goodnight

 

Then there'd be rhythm in the rain

There'd be magic in the moon

No such thing as love in vain

And somewhere between heaven and earth

You'd be with me again

And I could see you again

And I could hold you again, my baby

Somewhere between heaven and earth

Somewhere between heaven and earth

Somewhere between heaven and earth

I will see you again

 

Written by Cindy Bullens  ©1999 Mommy's Geetar Music/BMI

 

A THOUSAND SHADES OF GREY

I sat down by the water

A cold wind in my face

The ground still hard with winter

Of Spring there was no trace

I swear I saw a blazing light

Ascending from the shore

With a color so familiar

I had seen this light before

 

Oh the nights seem endless

Like there never was a sun

With a still, pervading darkness

Of all you left undone

But there must be some great reward

For lasting out each day

For having to replace your love

With a thousand shades of grey

 

Oh can you hear me?

If I shout out loud above the raging sea

And oh can you see me?

If I stay here long enough will you come to me?

Will you come to me?

 

Well, you never kept your distance

You always told the truth

If there are such things as angels

Then you're my living proof

But now you live on higher ground

And I have lost my way

Well, I'd settle for your shadow

For my thousand shades of grey

 

Oh can you hear me?

If I shout out loud above the raging sea

And oh will you know me?

When winter finally frees my soul

And lets you come for me

And lets you come for me

 

A thousand shades of grey 

A thousand shades of grey 

 

And so unlike the seasons

My love will never change

But I've lost your summer laughter

To a thousand shades of grey...

 

Written by Cindy Bullens  ©1999 Mommy's Geetar Music/BMI

 

WATER ON THE MOON

I watch the news on tv

The new breakthroughs in technology

Can you find your way back?

Will you find your way back?

 

If they find water on the moon

If they discover life of mars

Does it mean you'll be home soon?

Can I hold you in my arms?

I used to believe in miracles

 

There was a time when I could be

So inspired by life's mystery

Can I find my way back?

Will I find my way back?

 

If they find water on the moon

If they discover life of mars

Does it mean you'll be home soon?

Can I hold you in my arms?

I want to believe in miracles

 

Oh I know you're somewhere

Somewhere out there

If I could go I'd be there

I would be there

 

If they find water on the moon

If they discover life of mars

Does it mean you'll be home soon?

Can I hold you in my arms?

I want to believe in miracles

I need to believe in miracles

 

Written by Cindy Bullens  ©1999 Mommy's Geetar Music/BMI

 

BOXING WITH GOD

My father stays in his room in South Carolina

He once was a mighty man

My mother feels the fear rise up inside her

She thinks it's the beginning of the end

 

He's boxing with God

He's showing all his stuff

And it may not be enough

But he's a fighter

He's boxing with God

He's goin' round for round

And he might be slowing down

But he's no quitter

 

My youngest child is now an angel

She lived her whole life in eleven years

I've never known anyone who was braver

I can't believe she's gone, but she is

 

She's boxing with God

She's showing all her stuff

And it wasn't quite enough

But she's a fighter

She's boxing with God

And it's all in the plan

I'll never understand 

But it don't matter

 

I get in my car and drive to New York City

I'm trying to lose myself on some highway

A mile for every teardrop that has fallen

I hope there's something there to ease my pain

 

I'm boxing with God

I'm showing all my stuff

And it's probably not enough

But I'm a fighter

I'm boxing with God

And I swear I see his face

Then He's gone without a trace

But I surrender

I'm boxing with God

I'm going round for round

And I might be goin' down

But I'm no quitter

 

Written by Cindy Bullens  ©1999 Mommy's Geetar Music/BMI

 

THE END OF WISHFUL THINKING

Just outside of Baltimore, north on 95

Headed for New England trying not to close my eyes

I could pull right over and give myself a rest

But sleep's just one more stranger that I've added to my list

 

And it' too early in the morning

And too late in my life

To write a different story

To hope for different lines

And I guess it's finally hit me

What forever really means

That no amount of dreaming's

Gonna bring you back to me

And it's the end of wishful thinking

 

I've become some kind of vagabond I can not stay at home

It's hard to be with people and it' hard to be alone

So I just keep on drivin', searching for a clue

But I know I'll never find you no matter what I do

 

And it' too early in the morning

And too late in my life

To write a different story

To hope for different lines

And I guess it's finally hit me

What forever really means

That no amount of dreaming's

Gonna bring you back to me

And it's the end of wishful thinking...

 

Yesterday when I was leaving Tennessee

The sweetest little red bird came to say goodbye to me

And oh it made me smile for maybe it is true

That the end of wishful thinking will lead me back to you

 

And it' too early in the morning

And too late in my life

To write a different story

To hope for different lines

And I guess it's finally hit me

What forever really means

That no amount of dreaming's

Gonna bring you back to me

And it's the end of wishful thinking...

 

Written by Cindy Bullens  ©1999 Mommy's Geetar Music/BMI

 

AS LONG AS YOU LOVE (SCARLET WINGS)

Time has a different meaning now

Since you found your scarlet wings

Forever seems like yesterday

But only angels know these things

 

I can hear your voice some times at night

And it echoes through the day

When my soul cries out from missing you

I remember what you say

 

As long as you love

You will see me in the stars

As you look up at the stars

I will be there

As long as you love

I will whisper in your ear

Little whispers you will hear

As long as you love

As long as you love

 

You are standing here beside me now

As I watch the children play

To those of us you left behind

You are never far away

 

Even Heaven can not hold your heart

For no boundaries love allows

So little angel spread those scarlet wings

As you whisper to me now

 

As long as you love

You will feel me in the sun

In the warming of the sun

I will be there

As long as you love

You will understand the rain

You must bless the falling rain

As long as you love

As long as you love

 

As long as you love

You will see me in the stars

As you look up at the stars

I will be there

As long as you love

I will whisper in your ear

Little whispers you will hear

As long as you love

As long as you love

 

Written by Cindy Bullens  ©1999 Mommy's Geetar Music/BMI

 

BETTER THAN I'VE EVER BEEN

There's been a lot of things said about me

Since that awful day

I'm not the person that I used to be

And that I'll never be the same

Well that's true no doubt

But I know more now what life is about

And I

 

Laugh louder, cry harder

I take less time to make up my mind

And I think smarter, go slower

I know what I want and what I don't

I'll be better than I've ever been

Maybe I'll be better than I've ever been

 

If someone told me twenty years ago

That this would be my life

I'd lose the greatest gift that love can show

I'd have said "No, I won't survive!"

But don't count me out

Some times I'm stronger than I've ever felt

And I 

 

Laugh louder, cry harder

I take less time to make up my mind

And I think smarter, go slower

I know what I want and what I don't

I'll be better than I've ever been

Maybe I'll be better than I've ever been

 

There's a curious freedom rising up from the dark

Some kind of strength I've never had

Though I'd trade it in a second just to have you back

I gotta try to make some good out of the bad

So I

 

Laugh louder, cry harder

I take less time to make up my mind

And I think smarter, love deeper

I know what I want and what I don't

I'll be better than I've ever been

Better than I've ever been

 

Yeah, maybe I'll laugh, maybe I'll cry

I'll cry for you baby

I'll laugh for you baby

I'll live for you my baby

 

Written by Cindy Bullens  ©1999 Mommy's Geetar Music/BMI